Top 10 signs of good spirituality

(cc) tiltti (flickr.com).

Over the course of my comparative studies, there are some general traits I've noticed which seem to be shared between those wisdom streams and I thought it could be helpful to point them out. Here are some traits that are a sign of a good and healthy spiritual path...


10) Aim of True Happiness

Good spirituality will have as its aim the happiness of the practitioner. Of course, deep understanding of what this entails is essential. By 'True Happiness' we mean something more than mere pleasure associated with one's conditions. Rather, the kind of happiness a good spirituality will pursue will be a deeper sense of contentment that transcends circumstance. It will be a source of inner strength in the face of adversity and humble appreciation in the face of fortune. Such a happiness is also not selfish in the shallow sense of the word, in that the practitioner will come to see that mere self interest is not always a path to it.


9) Humble approach to knowledge

A good spirituality will engender humility in the practitioner when it comes to beliefs. It will produce a practitioner that is careful about making claims that cannot be substantiated. The practitioner will appreciate their limitations as a human being, not assuming they have more ability to 'know' things than they do. They would learn to be comfortable with a state of 'not knowing' all things. Such an approach will guide the practitioner in their own assumptions, as well as in accepting the claims of others without good reason. A good spiritual path will encourage doubt, asking questions, etc. It will not encourage the practitioner to accept claims on the basis of authority, or tradition, or faith, or any other means than good sense and self experience. But at the same time, this principle will not be one that encourages the practitioner to spend their time telling others what they should or shouldn't believe. Rather, its focus will be on helping the practitioner in their own walk.


8) Holistic, not dualistic

A good spirituality will inspire appreciation of the interconnectedness of all things. Dualistic thinking, whether it comes to nature, ourselves, us/them mentalities, and so on, will be anathema to a sound spirituality. Such a spiritual path will, in part, help to guide the practitioner to operate more effectively in an interconnected universe; appreciating subtle cause and effect, and acting more wisely in such a system. This 'skillful means' will be a way for the practitioner to see the big picture - to handle the complexities of life more like a surfer on ever-changing waves, moving in a dance with the universe, rather than stubbornly trying to move against the grain.


7) Acceptance of impermanence

The ever-changing flux of the universe, and the impermanence in which that results, has always been obvious to any observer. Nearly all worldviews, philosophies, traditions, or religions can be grouped into two categories regarding how they handle impermanence. One group will try to claim that there really is some permanent phenomenon to which we can attach our hopes and secure our philosophy (an afterlife, a deity, a 'salvation', magic powers, etc). While this may or may not be true, #9 (a humble approach to knowledge) suggests that we cannot know for certain whether it is. For that reason, a good spirituality will belong to the second category, which instead helps the practitioner to come to terms with impermanence; to accept it and learn to live effectively and happily in an impermanent universe. Spirituality, at its best, even helps to grow a sense of awe and wonder at such a grand flux, as we come to realize that impermanence means not merely death, but birth as well, and makes possible everything we love and experience.


6) Motivation-focused, not consequentialism

While much philosophy is often concerned with elaborate logical models to define the ethical, based on actions, consequences, and outward results, a good spirituality will know the limitations of these approaches. In the face of highly complex situations we rarely know all the variables, let alone their values and the results of our actions. But a good spirituality will emphasize the importance of good motivation on behalf of the practitioner. It will direct the practitioner to that inner motivation in all actions. Surely, it is important to use our reason as best we can to take responsible action, but in the end, if we have good motivation and take that due diligence, outcomes are not entirely within our say, as the rest of the universe will play its part as well. A good spirituality engenders a deep appreciation and intuitive-level knowledge of that truth. In this way, our deeper happiness in life begins to divorce itself from circumstantial outcomes.


5) Practice-centered

A good spirituality will be more than merely intellectual teachings or academic philosophy or a 'world view'. It will not be merely centered on intellectual assent to a certain set of beliefs. Rather, its true power will be in its practice. That is, it will be a system of disciplines one can apply and become more skillful at over time. Its wisdom and its practices will be integrated and support one another. In this way, one's spirituality will not merely be a label - it will be an activity; and the practitioner will have a sense of making continual progress, day by day, as they walk that path.


4) Changing self instead of others or the world

A legitimately spiritual person will certainly be found taking positive action to help others and help make positive change in the world, but these are merely symptoms of the spiritual life. A good spirituality will help the practitioner always to focus on changing what they have the most capacity to change: the person in the mirror. Understanding that we live in an impermanent and interconnected world, the practitioner will understand that all of their efforts may or may not come to fruition. Therefore, a good spirituality will help us to change our focus from "I must change the world" to, "I must be the kind of person that seeks positive change in the world". Thus, when we adopt this focus we have already succeeded, regardless of outcomes. This focus not only helps against 'burn out' in activist efforts, but it helps us avoid the pitfalls of focusing too much on how others ought to be acting without tending to our own shortcomings.


3) Transcending the ego

A sign of a poor spirituality will be that it coddles the practitioner and makes all things about them. Perhaps it promises wish fulfillment and certain externals such as wealth, health, reputation, etc. It fools us into thinking we have more control than we do. These claims to empower the practitioner appeal to the practitioner's shallow and mundane self interests and reinforce the ego. A good spirituality will be ego-busting. It will help to free the practitioner from the prison of the ego, expanding one's sense of self  and concern outward to include others. Only through such a liberation from the ego can we begin to see what had been consuming distress for what it is, and begin to know a larger world. Healthy spiritual paths will help us in this process.


2) Wisdom, not -ism

Good spirituality will not be about labels, or a particular people or culture, or particular brands, or personalities. It will inspire the practitioner to seek out and respect wise notions and practices wherever they can be found. It will not inspire the practitioner to defend their 'ism' as though holding a flag, but rather to seek truth first with an open mind. Such a practitioner will not care too much whether this or that is considered a religion by some or a philosophy by others, or what titles by which they may or may not be called. They will be adept at exchanging lexicons to suit the context and the conversant, keeping in mind the meaning behind that language as what is important. They will not turn away from certain sources because of bias, ignorance, or reactionary tendencies. Good spirituality encourages the practitioner not to form attachments to the trappings of its own form.


1) Compassion as foundation

Most importantly, a good spirituality will have compassion at its core. Even the pursuit of truth is only worthwhile because of the good it makes possible for all people and is thus secondary to compassion. Good spirituality will help to expand one's sense of empathy and compassion, ultimately toward all beings. It will teach forgiveness and reject retributive approaches toward dealing with human conflict. Even when action against others is necessary, it will help the practitioner maintain compassion even for enemies. A good spirituality will reject the notion that compassion and pragmatism are at odds - that the virtuous and the advantageous can be exclusive to one another. Ultimately, the practitioner of a good spiritual path will come toward greater perception that virtue (including compassion) and wisdom are synonymous.


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This Saturday: Secular Ethics & Ancient Philosophy

It seems I'm going to be doing more speaking engagements this year. I recently was honored to present the Dharma talk at the Jade Buddha Temple in Houston, where I spoke about how Stoicism prepared me to better understand Eastern philosophy, particularly Buddhism when I first came upon it, and pointed out many of the similar themes between the two. In March I may be speaking again on East/West intersections in philosophy, but that hasn't been solidified yet.

This Saturday, January 21, 2011, I'll be speaking at 1:00pm, at the Bayland Community Center (6400 Bissonnet Street, Houston, TX 77074) on the topic of Secular Ethics & Ancient Philosophy for the Humanists of Houston. The event is free and open to the public. Please feel free to join us there :)


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Top 10 DT Strain articles of 2011

Just when you thought we were through with all the top ten lists for 2011... Well, I have a tradition of summarizing what I think are my top ten articles each year.

Below are the top ten for 2011, and on the link after that you can see the top ten lists from the previous years. On that same page, I also have a top ten 'of all time' though, after nearly 8 years of blogging, such a list leaves out a lot of stuff. Anyway, without further ado...

TOP 10 POSTS FROM 2011
A message inspired by Dr. King
Prerequisites to ethical understanding
Skeptic and humanitarian reformer challenges religious establishment
On natural disasters and belief
Humanist Meditation 101
Osama bin Laden and our humanity
Motherhood as a road map to universal compassion
Even naturalists don't stay in the grave
It's all philosophy
How we view Nature and control

See more: Every year's top ten lists, and top ten of all time

I'd also like to note that, this year, I wrote some longer essays that might be of interest to readers that missed them. These include The Condensed Chuang-Tsu and Beyond Meditation.


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Thirst - poem by DT Strain

(cc) Milan Boers (flickr.com).

Before I was
the music was
and the earth and the
moon and the stars

'twas long before
those days of yore
with the girls and the
tits and the bars

And from that thirst
I planted thus
my roots in that
safe warm place

a cool vast sea
surrounds and nurtures me
in that time of
self and play

But it was not long
in my short song
before I'd hear
those fateful words

I am thirsty


The others in the sea
eventually
made me see where
the waters run dry

and though I'd wept before
when the sea held me
only now did I see
what it was to cry

The others and I
took it all in stride
we were here to
save the world

there was no ailment
we could not prescribe
and so we set out
flag unfurled

we journeyed wide
we journeyed far
and, oh yes, the girls, and the
tits, and the bars

Yet we were thirsty


We left our homes
intrepidly
that cold and
dried up sea

and though our thirst
had not quenched
we knew all the
reasons that be

but through the battles
we had waged
and the dragons
we had slain

our prescriptions failed
my friends were felled
my trinkets proved
quite plain

Alone again
but far from home
I could not
save the world

And still I was thirsty


My cup run dry
no tears to cry
exhausted of
reasons why

but then I see
the earth speak to me
and the sun and the
moon and the sky

Over there
behind that flag
there seems to
be a trail

my answers gone
but if I could bring
myself along
to see

if maybe be
something for me
no not me but
perhaps the sea

It is thirsty


The path is dark
not clear to see
but well worn and
old it seems

and as I go
I gather fruits
that fill and
nourish me

Then I come
eventually
to a place I've
never been

still far to go
but waters flow!
enough for the
others in the sea

I fill my cup
what little I may
and turn toward
that place I'd spurned

For they are thirsty


Running now
incessantly
with my little
cup I'm free

returning home
to share good news
to the thirsty
in the sea

A new crop has sprung
a new group has come
from that warm
safe place to cry

one by one
I go to them
to quench them
or to try

but they turn away
no time to drink
though even
they lament

We are thirsty


Yet there is no ailment
they cannot prescribe
no dragon
they cannot slay

their trinkets shine
much more than thine
and must surely
light their way

And then I see
that they nor me
could ever
fill the sea

for crying is
and will always be
it's wellspring
by necessity

But still I wonder
what lie down
the remainder of
that path?

its waters glisten
if I will listen
not blinded by
what I hath

Though each must
find their path
to extinguish that
harsh thirst

my tongue is wet
though look forward yet
to that music
I heard first


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New article for naturalists looking beyond meditation

More and more Humanists, atheists, and other secular people discovering the usefulness of meditation. With this in mind, I have recently written an article that gives an overview of some other concepts that go beyond meditation, into a more fully contemplative practice for the naturalist. The article appears in The New Humanism, produced by the Humanist Chaplaincy at Harvard University. You can read it HERE.


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Happy Bodhi Day

Today, December 8th, is Bodhi Day, which is the Buddhist holiday that celebrates when Siddhartha Gautauma (the historical Buddha) reached enlightenment. The day is in remembrance of his coming to realization of the Dharma (wisdom) foundations of what would become Buddhist philosophy. Namely, a rejection of the asceticism he had been involved in, in favor of the Middle Path of moderation, and the deep understanding of suffering and how to relieve it through non-attachment. This is referred to as ‘the Great Awakening’.

Traditionally, the day was “the 8th day of the 12th lunar month” but this has been set to December 8th in Western and Western-influenced countries using the Gregorian calendar. Of course, it doesn’t really matter which day Buddha’s enlightenment actually occurred. Shocking to many of other beliefs perhaps, some monks will tell you it doesn’t really even matter if the story is even true. What matters are the teachings, and whether they work in alleviating suffering and promoting happiness. The existence of these teachings are the real thing worth celebrating for the Buddhist.

The reason you’re reading about this in an article by a Humanist is because most of the core, earliest documented teachings of the Buddha are Humanistic in nature; focused on human happiness in this life, through a series of practical practices and principles. This is why Humanist contemplatives have begun to meditate and explore mindfulness and its role in human well-being more and more.

Also, we’ll be having a traditional celebratory dish, rice pudding, tonight! Happy Bodhi Day!

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Local practice groups in new year

Here in Houston, I'm going to be starting up new local groups for spiritual naturalists in January, primarily using Meetup.com (a website that helps organize in-person meet-ups for groups of all kinds). The first of them is my previously existing group which has been on hiatus, The Humanist Contemplatives Houston Meetup. This group will host a monthly get-together at a local tea house on the second Wednesday evening of the month. The format will be very casual. There will be a general contemplative subject introduced, followed by discussion. Everyone is welcome and the subjects will be stand-alone topics so sporadic or irregular attendance is fine.

The other group is a new one, the Spiritual Naturalists of Houston. Membership in this group will be more exclusive to a select group of naturalists who want to seriously engage in a more structured long-term program of practice together. Our gathering will be each Sunday afternoon in a more private location, and will include meditation, followed by a discourse, and then a period of personal sharing and moral support. Our topics will include teachings from many of the wisdom traditions and practices, East and West, which are helpful to pursuit of the flourishing 'good life'.

Whether you're interested in the less frequent casual public format of the Humanist Contemplatives monthly Contemplative Conversation, or the more frequent, structured program of the Weekly Gathering of the Spiritual Naturalists of Houston, please feel free to check us out if you are here in Houston, Texas. If you are interested but do not live here, I look forward to continued interaction with readers online, and hope you will keep an ear out for the launch of our international organization, The Spiritual Naturalist Society, coming soon!

Best wishes :)


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Occupy Forgiveness: Spiritual Activism

(cc) Robert Danay (Unlikely
Ghost), Flickr.com

Normally I write here about personal spirituality, which is about working on ourselves to be better people and achieving greater happiness and contentment in life. So, I tend not to talk about outward, external, and social-level issues. Recently, however, I submitted a proposal to the Occupy movement, and would like to talk about one exchange I just had with a poster on their Facebook page regarding forgiveness.

In my writing, I have frequently promoted the ancient notion that virtue is both necessary and sufficient for happiness; and when it comes to making virtuous decisions, this often involves the correct choices with respect to our outward actions. Contemplative inner spiritual cultivation ultimately gives us a greater bedrock of strength and fortitude as we move out into the world to do good things. Contemplative practices help to keep the activist from 'burning out' or becoming hopeless in the face of steep challenges.

This is because it helps us to shift the seat of our focus from external circumstance, to internal value. We are able, though proper wisdom and practice, to detach our contentment from our conditions, and instead make the source of contentment and peace come from our inner character and pure motivation. Instead of thinking, "I must make the world better" - we come to think, "I must be the kind of person who tries to make the world better". When we achieve this shift deeply into our intuitive responses, we place our happiness solely within our control. We free ourselves of circumstance, and so we have already succeeded, even before the results of our attempts are manifest; regardless of what happens. This internal shift happens slowly, in degrees over time, through the application of wise philosophy via disciplined practices.

I cannot claim to be an "Occupier" as I haven't put in physical presence time, but I do agree with the gist of their complaints and think they are worthy causes. Further, I think most of their non-violent tactics, albeit imperfect, have been justifiable (with the exception of some on the fringe who have used violence and hatred). We can't know where the movement will go from here, but recently there have been a number of negative incidents with police in several cities which have made the news (and many positive ones which have made the news to a considerably lesser extent).

What I suggested, was that the movement host a "Day of Appreciation for Our Police". I included possible wording for a proclamation to be made on that day (the full body of which can be read below). I put this to friends on my Facebook page first, and then shared it to the Facebook pages of Occupy Together and Occupy Wall Street. I also emailed it to the address given on their website.

Among the points were: appreciation for police in general, inclusion of them in the 99%, apologies for those who have been violent, an explanation of civil disobedience and why they're doing it, an expectation of minimal force in making arrests, and a call for an end to the use of violence in response to non-violent protests. It is still too soon to know what the response will be, although I have a few 'likes' and 'shares'. But the first comment I received was regarding my last point: an offer of forgiveness for those police who have behaved inappropriately. One poster on the Occupy Together Facebook page, replied:

This is an excellent idea - it's constructive, innovative, and good public relations. The only part of your suggestion that I disagree with is where you suggest the following: "To those officers who have assaulted unarmed and non-violent citizens with tear gas, pepper spray, rubber bullets, beatings, and other forms of violence, we forgive you."What?!!! Such behavior is fascistic, and intolerable, So we should no more forgive those who behave in that manner than we would forgive the Nazis for their atrocities during WWII, or Bush and Cheney for their atrocities in Iraq. We're not missionaries, so let them seek forgiveness from Jesus in the hereafter, but we must vigorously condemn and ostracize such people here on Earth.

This is a common (but unfortunately flawed) understanding of forgiveness. It views forgiveness as a benefit to the forgiven instead of the forgiver, and it imagines that forgiveness excludes condemnation of the behaviors or somehow accepts them, or calls for less vigorous action to fight them. In previous articles, I have explained how forgiveness is a gift we give to ourselves. This is made easier when we recognize how harmful unvirtuous behavior is to us, as I have explained in, On Retribution: How Bad People Lose. I later describe a technique for increasing our empathy for wrongdoers in Motherhood as road map to universal compassion. In Jesus in New York, I refer to Jesus' teachings on forgiveness as I call on Christians to invite Muslims into their homes for a meal. And, in a longer essay, Freethought and Compassion, I examine that prescription to love our enemies and why it is essential that we forgive, specifically when it is not deserved.

Lastly, the poster I quoted above said, "We're not missionaries..." I beg to differ. The Occupy movement is a mission, and in its underlying values it has an ethical dimension. In my response I mentioned an anecdote I had passed along in On Loving Humanity about Buddhist monk Palden Gyatso, who was held and tortured as a political prisoner in China for 33 years. He'd been beaten, starved, burned, shocked, and put into forced labor. Released in 1992, Palden does not hate his captors. When asked what his greatest fear had been, he said that what he most feared was losing compassion for his torturers. Forgiveness is perhaps the most important part of the following declaration, and it will be healthy medicine for those in the movement.

=============================

Suggestion submitted to Occupy movement, full text:


OCCUPY MOVEMENT: DAY OF APPRECIATION FOR OUR POLICE

- We would like to thank those who work as our nation's police. We want to thank you for your service in protecting us and in enforcing just laws. We appreciate that you place yourselves in harms way every day for our security and safety.

- As middle class workers, you too are one of us, the 99%, and we support better pay, prosperity, and opportunity for you as well.

- We encourage people to vote and to exercise their Constitutionally protected free speech rights within the law. But in addition, because the extreme corruption in our system limits the effectiveness of only using means available within that system, we have chosen to additionally use the age-old practice of peaceful resistance and civil disobedience in working for our cause. While this is an illegal activity, we do not condone the use of violence against anyone, nor the unrestrained breaking of any and all laws.

- Please know that the use of civil disobedience does not equate to disrespect for all police, law, or order, or equate to hatred for you - even if individuals in our large and diverse group may have said and done things to that effect.

- We therefore want to apologize for those few individuals among us who have used violence and strayed from our non-violent resistance principles, and those who might do so without our approval in the future.

- We recognize that your duty will be to arrest us when we break the law, and expect the minimum use of force necessary to do so, as per traditional policing principles in a democracy. We do not agree with some police officers who have chosen to use assaults and violence in response to non-violent protests.

- We recognize that most of you want to do good and conduct yourselves nobly and professionally. We therefore invite you to avoid and resist these kinds of responses in the performance of your duties.

- To those officers who have assaulted unarmed and non-violent citizens with tear gas, pepper spray, rubber bullets, beatings, and other forms of violence, we forgive you. This does not mean we do not call for you to be held accountable for your actions and face disciplinary measures, and it does not mean we do not demand an end to such behavior. It also does not mean we believe all of you may be deserving of forgiveness, or be asking it of us. But we forgive you because we want to be better than those who have wronged us, and we want to express compassion even for those who have harmed us.

We hope the above statement of principles will help to facilitate understanding between the Occupy movement and police departments. Having made them, we want to emphasize in closing the purpose of this day, which is to honor you and your service to our communities, and hope that someday our actions will benefit all of us.

=========================

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An alternative to Black Friday

Crowds on Black Friday
(photo: Wikipedia)

In my last article, I posted a letter my wife and I sent to our family and friends, telling them we'd like to stop giving and receiving store-bought merchandise as gifts, with exceptions for children and those in real need (see the letter that explains more). We asked only for their company, but recognized that giving is a valuable thing to celebrate and express too. So, we offered an alternative for those who wish to give, that gifts be something of their own creation. For those without the time or desire to make something, but wanted to give anyway, we suggested giving to a charity on our behalf.

We've gotten mostly positive feedback from friends and family, with the exception of one passive-aggressive, but still charitable, response. But our effort to simplify the holidays and return to core values brings up the question: What then of Black Friday?

Corporations have been known to create or modify holidays in the past to serve their interests. Some believe the reason fish was allowed as an exception to the no-meat rule on Fridays in Catholicism was because of the economic needs of the fish markets, and later, the reason for reducing the no-meat restriction from all Fridays to only those during Lent may have been to help an ailing meat market. Valentines Day, although associated with romantic love for ages, and sometimes accompanied by the giving of handwritten letters, has since been replaced by a day in which we are expected to buy mass-produced pre-written letters (cards), along with over-priced candies, props, and anything else comprised of cheep components which sell at much larger margins than their cost to produce.

The relatively modest and personal giving that used to go on for Christmas, has since been replaced with Consumas, whereby we buy as much as we can manage. You can still often see statuettes and paintings of the green and brown-clad "Father Christmas" in the stores; a little closer to St. Nicholas from which the figure hails. The modern image of Santa Claus began to form in the late 1800's, and by the early 20th Century companies began featuring the familiar red and white clad Santa in their advertisements - and image popularized even more by the Coca-Cola company marketing in the 1930's. Many are already forgetting that the retail chain Montgomery Ward created Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer in 1939. Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving, when droves are expected to make the pilgrimage to retail shops and buy hordes of merchandise. It's name refers to the day in which retailers are "in the black", meaning a positive revenue balance. None of this is happening by accident. These are deliberate campaigns designed to shape the culture, the norms, and the traditions in directions conducive to profitability.

Now, corporations are not inherently evil or bad. They make possible countless goods and services that have helped to improve our quality of life since the industrial revolution. The ability of any person to harness their own productivity and capital in a free market is absolutely essential to personal liberty. As someone who is part owner in a business of my own, and someone with a background in marketing, I can't hold it against companies that they try to put out messaging that helps them make profit. That is what they are supposed to do. But what we are supposed to do is: be aware of what is happening, informed about where these messages are coming from, make sure that what we are doing is really what is in our best interests, not accept the social norms without question, and not being afraid to do what we know is right despite the pressures from those around us to 'go along'. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a magic show, but one of the magicians (me) is sitting next to you in the audience, reminding you that what these companies are telling you is 'just make believe'. We have our own agendas, which is to pursue the flourishing good life - something not dependent on material goods. We too want to be "in the black" but our positive balance refers to quality of life.

So, back to Black Friday...

For those taking a similar course to us this holiday season, it looks like we won't be doing a great deal of shopping compared to many others. This frees up our Friday after Thanksgiving. Here are some ideas for what we can do with that time:

1) One of the big challenges in trying to make our gifts be things of our own making, is having the time to actually do this. When you look at your pocketbook, and look at your calendar, it quickly becomes apparent that - even for those not super wealthy - our time is often a more scarce resource than our funds. This is what encourages us to just go buy something instead. But perhaps we can use Black Friday to instead stay home and make things for others? This can be as simple as custom hand-written letters, or it can be something like scrap-booking, artwork, crafts, etc. If we have a knack for cooking, it can be some kind of special dish or baked good.

2) If you lack the materials you need on that day, then you can use the time to plan what you're doing and for whom. Don't get discouraged - start with a list of people you'd like to do something for. Then for each one, think about what would be especially relevant and meaningful to them. Maybe they're facing a specific need and doing something for them or helping them with something can be a gift? Maybe you haven't given them as much of your time as you or they would like and you can organize an outing or other occasion with them. Once you figure out what you're doing, you can schedule your time in future weeks to gather supplies, work on things, and/or visit as needed.

3) If you'd like to give to a charity in their honor, you could spend time on Black Friday researching charities and picking something that would be meaningful and relevant to their interests and concerns. Even cash donations can be made far more meaningful in this way.

These are just a few examples, but the main point is that when we decide to make the season about something other than consumerism, this can give a whole new purpose to Black Friday.

How will you spend your Black Friday?


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Changing course on consumerism

It came without ribbons!... it came
without tags!... it came without
packages, boxes, or bags!

This year, with concerns about the rampant consumerism of our culture, my wife and I have decided to begin changing our tradition regarding gift giving. In doing so, we've sent the following letter to our friends and family. If you would like to join us in the first steps of changing our nation's habits, please feel free to use whatever portions of this letter you find useful in letting your friends and family know...

Dear family and friends,

Starting this year, Julie and I would like to do something different for the holidays. We have been thinking about this for several years now, and we have come to think that the ‘buying frenzy’ that goes on around Christmas time is not a good thing for any of us.

To be sure, we have many fond memories of your wonderful gifts over the years, and appreciate them all. We don’t think that you have done anything wrong, and all of our hearts have always been in the right place as we have bought gifts for one another. To our parents especially, who sacrificed to give us nice things, we are especially grateful. We know it was never about the ‘things’ but about the intent for our happiness.

But this is also why we now wonder where our society has come to, that so many people are encouraged by the culture to go out and spend large sums of money on material goods. We think this might not be so much a real tradition, as it is encouraged by the companies that would like to sell these things. Regardless of whatever religious beliefs or values we each hold about this time of year, Christmas has become more like “Consumas” and we think that is contrary to all of those values, difficult for many in hard times and facing debt, part of a larger problem of waste that harms our planet and will eventually become a bigger problem for humanity, and unfair to those around the world where there is great need.

Therefore, we will not be asking for any CDs, DVDs, gift cards, electronics, clothes, jewelry, or any other store-bought items this year. We pretty much have what we need, and if we don’t we can buy things on our own. Likewise, we will not be buying such things for others, with perhaps a few minor and occasional exceptions for young children or if someone is in real need.

What we do believe, is that it is good to have a time of year where we celebrate the brotherhood of humanity, and our love for one another. The winter is a perfect time for this. People can often become depressed in the cold and dark of the year, so the warmth of friends and family are a blessing as we look to the New Year with the hope of renewal.

With this in mind, we ask that if you’d like to give us something, give us your time and your company – this is better than anything you can buy (something we ourselves have not been the best at, and will try to be better). And, despite our aversion to purchasing and exchanging manufactured goods, we do recognize that generosity and the giving of gifts can be a special thing. Although it isn’t necessary, if you prefer to give a gift you could consider a unique gift of your own making (art, letters, crafts, baked goods, etc) rather than a store-bought gift manufactured by someone else. Another really nice gift idea is to make a donation to a worthy charity for us – preferably for those most vulnerable and in need.

Whatever you choose, we hope to be able to see you for the holidays, and send our best. We hope you will respect our wishes regarding our gifts, and will understand our choice regarding yours.

With love,

Daniel & Julie

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