There is a lot to be cynical about in our democracy in the United States. Corporations have huge amounts of undue influence because of the way our system is set up. Meanwhile, because of the way the party system works, our realistic choice seems to be limited to two polar extremes in every election, with neither being very appealing. In this sort of situation, voting can seem irrelevant. It can seem like whoever spends the most money is going to win, and whoever wins it won't be that great a choice anyway.
But I doubt there is outright fraud happening on a routine basis. There are simply too many competing interests and too much incompetence to believe that such a conspiracy theory could remain secret for very long. Given that, surely our voting efforts must be seeping in here and there, making changes in subtle ways. If one issue gets to be a big problem, it really can and does effect lawmakers' careers. In my State of California, we have a referendum system that makes use of the voter to an even greater degree. I've seen first hand the recent affect of voting in the Governors recall vote and in several ballot initiatives in the short time I've lived in the State. Add to that the closeness of the last two presidential elections and it seems our individuals votes really do effect things.
If this is so, even in some small way through the filter of corporate influence and two-party domination, then we have to keep trying. Over time, as corporate influence and two-party rule grows and people are more and more put off by it, then lawmakers can be voted in who will try to deal with the issue. It will be a slow and long-term process, and the problem may have to get much worse before it gets better, but American history has shown for over 200 years that changes for the better can and do happen in this democracy. As long as there is even a chance that voting can make a difference then we have to try.
The upcoming vote in Iraq is a good reminder. Here we see a people who have never known a real democracy. Their choice isn't even to elect legislators, but to elect those who will write a constitution. They know very little about any of the parties or candidates they'll be voting for and, with the political influence of the United States an uncertainty, no real guaranty of the efficacy of their vote. Whatever challenges and frustrations face our democracy in the United States, their political predicament is a thousand times more uncertain. This alone might discourage many an American from coming out to the polls, but add to that the fact that these people face the fear of death at the hands of terrorists for voting.
Regardless of what the turnout levels will be in Iraq this Sunday, all indications are that millions of people will risk the lives of themselves and their families to cast an uncertain vote in a system of questionable political influence. Why would they do this? It seems to me they do so for one reason - hope. A hope that springs from a desire to better themselves, to be more than they are, and to provide a better world for their children than the one they experienced - the same hope that lives in every human being. Even in the face of uncertainty, suspicion, and fear of death millions of them will act on hope alone this Sunday.
But when we don't bother voting and are asked why, we complain about a check some politician got from some corporation we don't like. Perhaps we complain about how the candidates aren't very different and we don't know anything about them. Meanwhile media attention goes to questions about boxers or briefs, soundbites of politicians making speaking flubs, and pundits outyelling one another in what amounts to little more than the Jerry Springer Show with a jacket and tie.
Yet these Iraqis are the same people who some here said weren't ready for democracy, or would never be able to handle democracy. One thing is for sure - in my next election I'm going to the polls rain or shine, and I'll be thinking of the heroic people who voted in Iraq this Sunday when I do.
Edit, January 30, 2005:
While it is still early, it seems that the elections have gone off rather well in Iraq. Preliminary turnout estimates seem solid and although there was violence (regrettable at any level), it was not to the enormous amount feared.
What was especially inspiring was a report by the Associated Press which mentioned the bravery of the Iraqi people in the face of terror...
Rumors of impending violence were rife. When an unexplained boom sounded near one Baghdad voting station, some women put their hands to their mouths and whispered prayers. Others continued walking calmly to the voting stations. Several shouted in unison: "We have no fear."
Friday, January 28, 2005
Friday, January 21, 2005
Working on Self Discipline
Discipline has always been one of my most challenging areas. More specifically I mean spending my time wisely, keeping focused and finishing tasks, and so on. I tend to drift around or bounce from project to project and maintaining a reasonable diet is also tough as I gain weight extremely easy. I've recently been thinking of and realizing a few strategies that seem to be helpful in improving self discipline...
Daily Reflection
By taking some time at the start of each day to think about discipline goals and where greatest your challenges are, you can help to get your mindset straight. After identifying challenges and weaknesses, recite commitments for the day to yourself.
Set Your Self Up For Success
Take note of the conditions under which you are more tempted to give in to your urges. Don't place yourself in tempting situations. In other words, don't be a "hero" by thinking you'll expose yourself to temptation so you can prove to yourself that you can resist it, presumably strengthening your resolve. That is reckless and, since none of us are perfect, you're setting yourself up for failure with that approach. Instead, part of being disciplined is in good planning, acknowledging your weaknesses, and avoiding temptations in the first place.
Stubborn Affirmation
Throughout the day, if you start to get temptations say to yourself, "I am in control of my actions!" (or think this to yourself if others are around - you don't want the men in the white suits to come to your door). This may seem silly, but it seems to have a good effect for me. This is probably because it strokes my stubbornness and desire to control - two tendencies we all have. These are often traits that we are taught to suppress, but in the case of self control, nurturing them can be helpful. It's like saying to your emotions, your sloth, or other impulses, "Sorry, but I'm the boss here - not you." So, inside your skull you (your intellect) are the supreme ruler. Don't let other aspects of your psyche usurp control - have fun putting them in their place!
Appreciate the Subtle
Things we take for granted now can become "treats" to us if we regulate the frequency we enjoy them. Appreciating those things as treats is part of gaining contentment while being disciplined. Also, taking note of the small things and appreciating them is a similar idea. For example, when we smell good food we often want to eat it. But lately I have begun learning to enjoying smells as a thing to enjoy for their own sakes, and not some indication of another thing to be had. I then experience the aroma and feel contented as if I've enjoyed something, rather than it leaving me in desire. Another example would be with soft drinks. In my father's day, a coke used to be a "treat"; something you'd get for being good or after saving up all week for the trip to the local malt shop. Today we drink soft drinks like water - correction, breath them like air. As part of my own diet for a time, I was drinking only water. After a while, if I tried to drink a soft drink it felt intensely sweet, like a treat. If we learn to enjoy the subtle for its own sake, we can begin to get more out of less and/or appreciate what we have more.
Physical-Mental Connection
Something I've come to realize lately is the connection between physical and mental discipline. I suppose that the connection in military training methods and the eastern martial arts should have been a clue to me, but I always thought the connection was merely metaphoric. What I've noticed, however, is that I tend to be more disciplined in general when I am being disciplined with my body. I think that your brain must think, "hey this guy's serious" when it feels the body undergoing stress (the good kind). No doubt, spiritual exercises concerning fasting and other physical feats also play into this connection. The point is, it's not merely a metaphor. For some reason, physical discipline really does help discipline in just about every other area.
One Step At A Time
This one's an oldie but a goodie. Don't think about having to do x, y, or z your entire life or all at once. Take each day or challenge one at a time. After a while you'll look back and see what you've done and be surprised. Where resisting temptation is concerned, just keep your focus on the challenge at hand and let the big picture take care of itself.
Build Habits
This seems like a no-brainer, but what's important is that you think of your habits as a house of cards. You build them deliberately and carefully, and don't mess around with them or the whole thing will come tumbling down. You might take one card out and think, well that's not so bad. Then the next thing you know you're taking out another. Before long all the work you put into building a habit is collapsed. And it takes only a tiny fraction of missteps to undo a long period of patient work in building a habit. So, don't think that because you've got good habits that you are somehow ok to make a few exceptions. The presence of a good habit is no protection against occasional actions to the opposite. In fact, those actions (even a few) are kryptonite to your habit!
Anyway, these notions seem to be working for me but I'm still working on them. Just figured I'd share.
Daily Reflection
By taking some time at the start of each day to think about discipline goals and where greatest your challenges are, you can help to get your mindset straight. After identifying challenges and weaknesses, recite commitments for the day to yourself.
Set Your Self Up For Success
Take note of the conditions under which you are more tempted to give in to your urges. Don't place yourself in tempting situations. In other words, don't be a "hero" by thinking you'll expose yourself to temptation so you can prove to yourself that you can resist it, presumably strengthening your resolve. That is reckless and, since none of us are perfect, you're setting yourself up for failure with that approach. Instead, part of being disciplined is in good planning, acknowledging your weaknesses, and avoiding temptations in the first place.
Stubborn Affirmation
Throughout the day, if you start to get temptations say to yourself, "I am in control of my actions!" (or think this to yourself if others are around - you don't want the men in the white suits to come to your door). This may seem silly, but it seems to have a good effect for me. This is probably because it strokes my stubbornness and desire to control - two tendencies we all have. These are often traits that we are taught to suppress, but in the case of self control, nurturing them can be helpful. It's like saying to your emotions, your sloth, or other impulses, "Sorry, but I'm the boss here - not you." So, inside your skull you (your intellect) are the supreme ruler. Don't let other aspects of your psyche usurp control - have fun putting them in their place!
Appreciate the Subtle
Things we take for granted now can become "treats" to us if we regulate the frequency we enjoy them. Appreciating those things as treats is part of gaining contentment while being disciplined. Also, taking note of the small things and appreciating them is a similar idea. For example, when we smell good food we often want to eat it. But lately I have begun learning to enjoying smells as a thing to enjoy for their own sakes, and not some indication of another thing to be had. I then experience the aroma and feel contented as if I've enjoyed something, rather than it leaving me in desire. Another example would be with soft drinks. In my father's day, a coke used to be a "treat"; something you'd get for being good or after saving up all week for the trip to the local malt shop. Today we drink soft drinks like water - correction, breath them like air. As part of my own diet for a time, I was drinking only water. After a while, if I tried to drink a soft drink it felt intensely sweet, like a treat. If we learn to enjoy the subtle for its own sake, we can begin to get more out of less and/or appreciate what we have more.
Physical-Mental Connection
Something I've come to realize lately is the connection between physical and mental discipline. I suppose that the connection in military training methods and the eastern martial arts should have been a clue to me, but I always thought the connection was merely metaphoric. What I've noticed, however, is that I tend to be more disciplined in general when I am being disciplined with my body. I think that your brain must think, "hey this guy's serious" when it feels the body undergoing stress (the good kind). No doubt, spiritual exercises concerning fasting and other physical feats also play into this connection. The point is, it's not merely a metaphor. For some reason, physical discipline really does help discipline in just about every other area.
One Step At A Time
This one's an oldie but a goodie. Don't think about having to do x, y, or z your entire life or all at once. Take each day or challenge one at a time. After a while you'll look back and see what you've done and be surprised. Where resisting temptation is concerned, just keep your focus on the challenge at hand and let the big picture take care of itself.
Build Habits
This seems like a no-brainer, but what's important is that you think of your habits as a house of cards. You build them deliberately and carefully, and don't mess around with them or the whole thing will come tumbling down. You might take one card out and think, well that's not so bad. Then the next thing you know you're taking out another. Before long all the work you put into building a habit is collapsed. And it takes only a tiny fraction of missteps to undo a long period of patient work in building a habit. So, don't think that because you've got good habits that you are somehow ok to make a few exceptions. The presence of a good habit is no protection against occasional actions to the opposite. In fact, those actions (even a few) are kryptonite to your habit!
Anyway, these notions seem to be working for me but I'm still working on them. Just figured I'd share.
Thursday, January 13, 2005
Losing Weight: the REAL Plan (part 2 of 2)
A continuation of last week's entry...
3) You Must Suffer:
Accept it, deep down inside. If you want to lose weight, you will and must suffer. Anyone who tells you you can lose weight easy, without pain, is trying to sell you something or lying to you for some other nefarious reason. If you are not suffering, take it as a sign that you are doing something wrong. Once you fully accept this, you will bear your suffering as a mark that you are accomplishing something, and you won't wince out because it's too hard - you'll expect it. But fortunately, the suffering doesn't last. If you get into the habit of eating less, your stomach will adjust and before long you'll get full on things that would never satisfy you before.
4) No Non-Meal Eating
Somehow, the tradition of breakfast, lunch, and dinner has become all but history. Now people just grab food at random and eat it whenever. At home people just run to the fridge at any old time. Many work places have a community table area where food just mysteriously appears and everyone grazes off of it like a salt lick. Even getting gas you're expected to just grab something to munch on. What meal is beef jerky supposed to be eaten with? Is everyone going for survival hikes in the wilderness on the weekends or something?
If you want to do the health thing where you eat tiny bits of healthy foods, strewn throughout the day, which add up to a reasonable amount, then that's great. But that's not the sort of unrestricted munching I'm talking about here, and many people don't have time for that. So, in general, you have to say to yourself, "I'm only going to eat at meal times" and if offered food (which you will be) simply tell them you've already eaten. They may look at you funny, as if to wonder, "Are you mad?"
5) No Fast Food - Ever
Fast food companies will tell you that they exist as an occasional outing, to be a part of an overall balanced diet. Baloney - It's pure garbage. Don't eat it. That includes the "healthy" menu items like fried chicken patties and lard-drenched salads, and it certainly includes anything in a convenience store. There are a sizeable number of nutritionists that will say not only that fast food should rarely be eaten, but that it should never be eaten. In general, I've found that it's best not to eat something if a caveman wouldn't recognize it as food.
There are some restaurants that may be technically fast food, but serve decent natural foods that aren't fried, fake, or fatty. But even here you have to be careful to select the right items. It's best to stay away from such places and adjust your lifestyle if needed to avoid them. Instead, try eating at traditional restaurants if you eat out, but even there, watch the portions and content. Share or eat only half your food because nearly all of them give you way too much.
6) Accept Being an Outcast
As mentioned, the American culture is based almost entirely around food (and other consumerisms). Companies that sell food want you to buy 2 gallon colas and drink them in one sitting. They want you to order an appetizer, meal, and desert - each one large enough to be a meal in its own right. Basically, they want your stomach and appetite stretched as far as it will go because that will make you buy more. It doesn't matter to them much that you'll die in your forties because your kids will eat as much or more than you do.
So, all of the commercials, films, TV shows, and music videos have been custom tailored to promote a lifestyle of maximum consumption. As a result, our social lives are based around "going out to eat" and we find ourselves forced into fast food out of convenience, cost, or cool. The American lifestyle is not healthy. That means that to be a healthy person, you've got to accept the fact that you'll be a bit of an outcast in your own culture. You'll be the one who has to say, "I can't eat anything there" when everyone in the car wants to go to Tubocrapy's Burger Bar. You'll have to be the one who stops eating half way through the meal. You'll have to be the evil one at work who never eats the brownies poor Ms. Boothby makes for the office. Accept it, and accept it now, because you live in fatville and the only way to not be is to be a rebel.
7) Exercise
Fortunately, it doesn't have to be a lot but, especially if you work behind a desk like I do, then it's essential. Start out low and slowly work your way up to a level you can live with. Pick something physical that you will be okay with doing (or might even enjoy), but it also needs to be something you can do conveniently. If it's a lot of trouble, like driving somewhere, forget it. You'll do it a few days, maybe weeks, then stop. I also recommend doing it in the morning since I'm lazy after working all day, but that's just me. So there's the cold hard truth about weight loss. Everyone else is too scared to sound so harsh because they're afraid you won't buy their books. But after you've tried all the other nonsense out there, you'll eventually work your way back to this - that is, if you ever really want to lose weight and keep it off.
So, that's it. It's not pretty, but unless one is preparred to accept some cold hard fact, I don't think one is truly willing to do what's necessary to lose weight and keep it off. I've gained a bit back over the holidays, which in the long run I don't think will be too bad, as long as I get back into my good habits again. Now to DO it...
Please Note: One thing in trying to lose weight I would NOT do, is EVER click on or visit www.nulife-weightloss.com. This company likes to spam comments on people's blogs repeatedly (the reason comments have been disabled on this post). This shows they have no scruples and thus can't be trusted for any other service. Please do not go to that site or do business with them. Thanks.
3) You Must Suffer:
Accept it, deep down inside. If you want to lose weight, you will and must suffer. Anyone who tells you you can lose weight easy, without pain, is trying to sell you something or lying to you for some other nefarious reason. If you are not suffering, take it as a sign that you are doing something wrong. Once you fully accept this, you will bear your suffering as a mark that you are accomplishing something, and you won't wince out because it's too hard - you'll expect it. But fortunately, the suffering doesn't last. If you get into the habit of eating less, your stomach will adjust and before long you'll get full on things that would never satisfy you before.
4) No Non-Meal Eating
Somehow, the tradition of breakfast, lunch, and dinner has become all but history. Now people just grab food at random and eat it whenever. At home people just run to the fridge at any old time. Many work places have a community table area where food just mysteriously appears and everyone grazes off of it like a salt lick. Even getting gas you're expected to just grab something to munch on. What meal is beef jerky supposed to be eaten with? Is everyone going for survival hikes in the wilderness on the weekends or something?
If you want to do the health thing where you eat tiny bits of healthy foods, strewn throughout the day, which add up to a reasonable amount, then that's great. But that's not the sort of unrestricted munching I'm talking about here, and many people don't have time for that. So, in general, you have to say to yourself, "I'm only going to eat at meal times" and if offered food (which you will be) simply tell them you've already eaten. They may look at you funny, as if to wonder, "Are you mad?"
5) No Fast Food - Ever
Fast food companies will tell you that they exist as an occasional outing, to be a part of an overall balanced diet. Baloney - It's pure garbage. Don't eat it. That includes the "healthy" menu items like fried chicken patties and lard-drenched salads, and it certainly includes anything in a convenience store. There are a sizeable number of nutritionists that will say not only that fast food should rarely be eaten, but that it should never be eaten. In general, I've found that it's best not to eat something if a caveman wouldn't recognize it as food.
There are some restaurants that may be technically fast food, but serve decent natural foods that aren't fried, fake, or fatty. But even here you have to be careful to select the right items. It's best to stay away from such places and adjust your lifestyle if needed to avoid them. Instead, try eating at traditional restaurants if you eat out, but even there, watch the portions and content. Share or eat only half your food because nearly all of them give you way too much.
6) Accept Being an Outcast
As mentioned, the American culture is based almost entirely around food (and other consumerisms). Companies that sell food want you to buy 2 gallon colas and drink them in one sitting. They want you to order an appetizer, meal, and desert - each one large enough to be a meal in its own right. Basically, they want your stomach and appetite stretched as far as it will go because that will make you buy more. It doesn't matter to them much that you'll die in your forties because your kids will eat as much or more than you do.
So, all of the commercials, films, TV shows, and music videos have been custom tailored to promote a lifestyle of maximum consumption. As a result, our social lives are based around "going out to eat" and we find ourselves forced into fast food out of convenience, cost, or cool. The American lifestyle is not healthy. That means that to be a healthy person, you've got to accept the fact that you'll be a bit of an outcast in your own culture. You'll be the one who has to say, "I can't eat anything there" when everyone in the car wants to go to Tubocrapy's Burger Bar. You'll have to be the one who stops eating half way through the meal. You'll have to be the evil one at work who never eats the brownies poor Ms. Boothby makes for the office. Accept it, and accept it now, because you live in fatville and the only way to not be is to be a rebel.
7) Exercise
Fortunately, it doesn't have to be a lot but, especially if you work behind a desk like I do, then it's essential. Start out low and slowly work your way up to a level you can live with. Pick something physical that you will be okay with doing (or might even enjoy), but it also needs to be something you can do conveniently. If it's a lot of trouble, like driving somewhere, forget it. You'll do it a few days, maybe weeks, then stop. I also recommend doing it in the morning since I'm lazy after working all day, but that's just me. So there's the cold hard truth about weight loss. Everyone else is too scared to sound so harsh because they're afraid you won't buy their books. But after you've tried all the other nonsense out there, you'll eventually work your way back to this - that is, if you ever really want to lose weight and keep it off.
So, that's it. It's not pretty, but unless one is preparred to accept some cold hard fact, I don't think one is truly willing to do what's necessary to lose weight and keep it off. I've gained a bit back over the holidays, which in the long run I don't think will be too bad, as long as I get back into my good habits again. Now to DO it...
Please Note: One thing in trying to lose weight I would NOT do, is EVER click on or visit www.nulife-weightloss.com. This company likes to spam comments on people's blogs repeatedly (the reason comments have been disabled on this post). This shows they have no scruples and thus can't be trusted for any other service. Please do not go to that site or do business with them. Thanks.
Thursday, January 6, 2005
Losing Weight: the REAL plan (part 1 of 2)
So what does weight loss have to do with virtue? In general, I think that good personal health should be considered an ethical issue. We have a responsibility to take good care of ourselves, both for ourselves and for our loved ones - especially if we have children or other people that depend on us.
Unfortunately, this has been one of my weak spots throughout my life. Admittedly, I didn't think of it as an ethical issue for most of my life, but I've always been overweight. I don't even really need to eat very much to gain weight, I guess we all vary in that.
But after losing 53 pounds in seven months, I think I'm justified in putting in my two cents on this issue. I'm thinner now than I've ever been before (I can actually feel bones and see veins here and there), but I'm still overweight for my height. I've been keeping fairly steady for the last few months, but now I'm beginning a new drive to get down even further.
People asked quite a lot what I've been doing. They were hoping to hear about some new method (everyone asked me if I was doing Atkins). But then I told them what they didn't like hearing - I was eating less.
With the United States currently suffering an overweight epidemic, I think there are some things the nation needs to know - no, there are some things the nation needs to drill into their skulls and never let it out again.
Hear are my pearls of wisdom I cast before the world - heed them well!
1) Fad diets are no good:
Forget them. Don't read about them in the supermarket magazines, don't buy diet books, don't look them up online, and don't listen to the people who tell you they're losing weight on them and it's easy. Sure, you'll lose weight in the short run (most of it water), but then you'll balloon back up again as soon as you grow tired of the dietary gymnastics (and you will). Along the way, you might even just hurt your health with overly rapid weight loss and lack of needed food categories. And no, it wasn't that you weren't doing it right, and you don't need to try a different fad diet. If it's something you have to pay for, if it requires special equipment or tools, if it says you can eat as much as you want as long as you only eat x, then it's probably bunk.
2) The Primary Directive:
Even the otherwise responsible and knowledgeable professional nutritionists are missing this one. Everyone is so consumed with "eat more of this", "eat less of that". Watch your carbs, eat low-fat, low-sugar, low-salt. All of that is "fine tuning" for optimal health - it's not what an huge person needs to be worried about. There is one thing, and one thing only, that our morbidly obese nation needs to hear - eat less - period. That's the Prime Directive. That's what it's all about - not saturated/unsaturated fat, not salt, not caffeine, not sugar, not carbs - it's all about calories.
And no, I don't mean eat less for a while to lose some weight. I mean that America eats too much, all the time. Even the skinny people eat too much. You go to a restaurant and they give you a plate larger than your torso. You go to the burger place and order a small fry - they'll often give you a large and say, "we only charged you for a small, we just need to get rid of them". You go to work and people are just randomly munching on stuff outside of meal times. This country produces so much food that it is flowing out of every national orifice. So we need to eat much less, as a norm, for the rest of our lives. My wife and I now often share a single meal at restaurants and we leave stuffed!
If you want to maintain, then follow the calorie limit for your height and ideal weight. If you want to lose, you'll have to limit your calories to less. Other than that, eat whatever you like. I lost 53 pounds and I had burritos and burgers (homemade) quite often. My wife has been excellent in finding ways to make low calorie things out of normal stuff that tast good (much of it is not even labeled as low calorie - which usually tastes bad). It has to do more with how you cook it from what I hear.
What if you're one of those people that gain weight easily, even without eating much? Then make your calorie limit even lower and never raise it to the standard. If you're not a normal person then don't expect to eat like one - consider it a medical condition.
You'll also find that drinking only water (or other 0 calorie drink) gives you a lot more food. It used to be that a cola was considered a treat. If you get used to drinking water then you'll start to think of it that way, which is a good thing.
What about malnutrition you ask? That's like a man who lives in the desert learning to swim out of fear of drowning. Believe me, if you only have so many calories per day, there's no way your going to blow the whole lot on a jelly doughnut. You will naturally seek out foods with a lot of mass and low calories, and that so happens to be some of the healthier foods. Once you're in a good weight range you can start to worry about fine tuning your diet with more of this or more of that. As long as your overweight or obese you should just focus on quantity.
Part 2 coming soon...
Please Note: One thing in trying to lose weight I would NOT do, is EVER click on or visit www.nulife-weightloss.com. This company likes to spam comments on people's blogs repeatedly (the reason comments have been disabled on this post). This shows they have no scruples and thus can't be trusted for any other service. Please do not go to that site or do business with them. Thanks.
Unfortunately, this has been one of my weak spots throughout my life. Admittedly, I didn't think of it as an ethical issue for most of my life, but I've always been overweight. I don't even really need to eat very much to gain weight, I guess we all vary in that.
But after losing 53 pounds in seven months, I think I'm justified in putting in my two cents on this issue. I'm thinner now than I've ever been before (I can actually feel bones and see veins here and there), but I'm still overweight for my height. I've been keeping fairly steady for the last few months, but now I'm beginning a new drive to get down even further.
People asked quite a lot what I've been doing. They were hoping to hear about some new method (everyone asked me if I was doing Atkins). But then I told them what they didn't like hearing - I was eating less.
With the United States currently suffering an overweight epidemic, I think there are some things the nation needs to know - no, there are some things the nation needs to drill into their skulls and never let it out again.
Hear are my pearls of wisdom I cast before the world - heed them well!
1) Fad diets are no good:
Forget them. Don't read about them in the supermarket magazines, don't buy diet books, don't look them up online, and don't listen to the people who tell you they're losing weight on them and it's easy. Sure, you'll lose weight in the short run (most of it water), but then you'll balloon back up again as soon as you grow tired of the dietary gymnastics (and you will). Along the way, you might even just hurt your health with overly rapid weight loss and lack of needed food categories. And no, it wasn't that you weren't doing it right, and you don't need to try a different fad diet. If it's something you have to pay for, if it requires special equipment or tools, if it says you can eat as much as you want as long as you only eat x, then it's probably bunk.
2) The Primary Directive:
Even the otherwise responsible and knowledgeable professional nutritionists are missing this one. Everyone is so consumed with "eat more of this", "eat less of that". Watch your carbs, eat low-fat, low-sugar, low-salt. All of that is "fine tuning" for optimal health - it's not what an huge person needs to be worried about. There is one thing, and one thing only, that our morbidly obese nation needs to hear - eat less - period. That's the Prime Directive. That's what it's all about - not saturated/unsaturated fat, not salt, not caffeine, not sugar, not carbs - it's all about calories.
And no, I don't mean eat less for a while to lose some weight. I mean that America eats too much, all the time. Even the skinny people eat too much. You go to a restaurant and they give you a plate larger than your torso. You go to the burger place and order a small fry - they'll often give you a large and say, "we only charged you for a small, we just need to get rid of them". You go to work and people are just randomly munching on stuff outside of meal times. This country produces so much food that it is flowing out of every national orifice. So we need to eat much less, as a norm, for the rest of our lives. My wife and I now often share a single meal at restaurants and we leave stuffed!
If you want to maintain, then follow the calorie limit for your height and ideal weight. If you want to lose, you'll have to limit your calories to less. Other than that, eat whatever you like. I lost 53 pounds and I had burritos and burgers (homemade) quite often. My wife has been excellent in finding ways to make low calorie things out of normal stuff that tast good (much of it is not even labeled as low calorie - which usually tastes bad). It has to do more with how you cook it from what I hear.
What if you're one of those people that gain weight easily, even without eating much? Then make your calorie limit even lower and never raise it to the standard. If you're not a normal person then don't expect to eat like one - consider it a medical condition.
You'll also find that drinking only water (or other 0 calorie drink) gives you a lot more food. It used to be that a cola was considered a treat. If you get used to drinking water then you'll start to think of it that way, which is a good thing.
What about malnutrition you ask? That's like a man who lives in the desert learning to swim out of fear of drowning. Believe me, if you only have so many calories per day, there's no way your going to blow the whole lot on a jelly doughnut. You will naturally seek out foods with a lot of mass and low calories, and that so happens to be some of the healthier foods. Once you're in a good weight range you can start to worry about fine tuning your diet with more of this or more of that. As long as your overweight or obese you should just focus on quantity.
Part 2 coming soon...
Please Note: One thing in trying to lose weight I would NOT do, is EVER click on or visit www.nulife-weightloss.com. This company likes to spam comments on people's blogs repeatedly (the reason comments have been disabled on this post). This shows they have no scruples and thus can't be trusted for any other service. Please do not go to that site or do business with them. Thanks.
Wednesday, December 29, 2004
My Dad Is A Stoic
My Dad runs a soup kitchen out of his church, which serves the poor in the lower income area of his home town. Recently he was telling me about all of the different people that come through there. Included are several good people who are simply poor or can't care for themselves, etc. But there are also many drug dealers, pimps, prostitutes, and so on.
They often tell him their problems and seek his advice, but he never actively tries to reform them, or tells them they need to straighten up, or tries to encourage them to get a job, or any of that. He just gives out some coffee and doughnuts each morning. But apparently, this is improving the lives of these people and their neighborhood more than one would think.
One older lady tells my Dad about how she has to prepare things for her passing because she's about to have a hip surgery, and at her age surgeries are harder to come out of. My Dad says, "Yeah, that's good that you're preparing for that. At your age that surgery could be it." Expecting words of encouragement, the lady is taken aback. But his calm and light attitude about the whole thing seems to shift her perspective abruptly and they are soon laughing.
Another lady is complaining about how her grown son always takes advantage of her, and how she has to do everything for him. My Dad says, "If you've been doing that all these years he's not ever going to change, and you're not willing to change, so what good does complaining about it do? Just accept it." She hasn't complained since, and more importantly, it has freed up her mind to focus on more important or productive things.
One man has recently had a heart attack, and according to his wife, had been sitting at home doing nothing, waiting to die and certain that all is hopeless. My Dad eventually gets a chance to speak with him and the man moans, "I'll probably get hit with another attack. I could go at any time - it's all pointless." My nods and says, "Yep, you really could go at any time. I felt the same way after my heart attack. But you know, eventually all that sitting around got old. I figured, well dying or not, I've gotta get up and go do something because this is just boring." A few days later the man came into the church and looked brighter, "Well I'm up and around." he told my Dad, "You were right, that sitting around got really boring."
My Dad started out serving everyone in there, cutting cakes and pouring coffee. One man was deeply depressed, had attempted suicide in the past, and said that he felt he had no reason to live. My Dad listened calmly while he worked, only appearing to be offering half his attention. He said, "uh-huh... Say, could you hand me that cup over there?" The man handed him the cup and continued his depressed rant. My Dad, with his hands full, again interrupted, "Could you pour this for those guys over there while I get this food?" Before long, the man was working the room. At the end of the day, my Dad asked if he could help some more. Before long, the man seemed to have something to live for and enjoyed helping the others. Now he is an important part of the soup kitchen and the church and seems much happier.
That's happened with many of the folks that have come in. Where my Dad used to serve everyone, he doesn't do any of the serving anymore. Now the homeless and poor are pouring drinks and serving each other. As a result they are also getting to know one another. Where lone figures once walked up and down the streets of that part of town fearing one another, they now wave. It appears the neighborhood is becoming a friendlier place than it had been. And, with simple listening and the mere example of the right attitude, many of these people are now working to improve their lives.
My Dad has never read much philosophy and didn't know what Stoicism is, but I said to him, "You know, you're a Stoic." I told him that stoics were careful to divide that which they cannot control from that which they can. They knew it was pointless to fret about things they can't control and instead found ways to deal with those things, accept them, and move on.
My Dad knows that these people don't want someone trying to lecture them so he mainly just listens and reacts. Without knowing it, he has managed to spread a little stoic philosophy in one of the last places one would expect to find it, and the results seem quite positive.
They often tell him their problems and seek his advice, but he never actively tries to reform them, or tells them they need to straighten up, or tries to encourage them to get a job, or any of that. He just gives out some coffee and doughnuts each morning. But apparently, this is improving the lives of these people and their neighborhood more than one would think.
One older lady tells my Dad about how she has to prepare things for her passing because she's about to have a hip surgery, and at her age surgeries are harder to come out of. My Dad says, "Yeah, that's good that you're preparing for that. At your age that surgery could be it." Expecting words of encouragement, the lady is taken aback. But his calm and light attitude about the whole thing seems to shift her perspective abruptly and they are soon laughing.
Another lady is complaining about how her grown son always takes advantage of her, and how she has to do everything for him. My Dad says, "If you've been doing that all these years he's not ever going to change, and you're not willing to change, so what good does complaining about it do? Just accept it." She hasn't complained since, and more importantly, it has freed up her mind to focus on more important or productive things.
One man has recently had a heart attack, and according to his wife, had been sitting at home doing nothing, waiting to die and certain that all is hopeless. My Dad eventually gets a chance to speak with him and the man moans, "I'll probably get hit with another attack. I could go at any time - it's all pointless." My nods and says, "Yep, you really could go at any time. I felt the same way after my heart attack. But you know, eventually all that sitting around got old. I figured, well dying or not, I've gotta get up and go do something because this is just boring." A few days later the man came into the church and looked brighter, "Well I'm up and around." he told my Dad, "You were right, that sitting around got really boring."
My Dad started out serving everyone in there, cutting cakes and pouring coffee. One man was deeply depressed, had attempted suicide in the past, and said that he felt he had no reason to live. My Dad listened calmly while he worked, only appearing to be offering half his attention. He said, "uh-huh... Say, could you hand me that cup over there?" The man handed him the cup and continued his depressed rant. My Dad, with his hands full, again interrupted, "Could you pour this for those guys over there while I get this food?" Before long, the man was working the room. At the end of the day, my Dad asked if he could help some more. Before long, the man seemed to have something to live for and enjoyed helping the others. Now he is an important part of the soup kitchen and the church and seems much happier.
That's happened with many of the folks that have come in. Where my Dad used to serve everyone, he doesn't do any of the serving anymore. Now the homeless and poor are pouring drinks and serving each other. As a result they are also getting to know one another. Where lone figures once walked up and down the streets of that part of town fearing one another, they now wave. It appears the neighborhood is becoming a friendlier place than it had been. And, with simple listening and the mere example of the right attitude, many of these people are now working to improve their lives.
My Dad has never read much philosophy and didn't know what Stoicism is, but I said to him, "You know, you're a Stoic." I told him that stoics were careful to divide that which they cannot control from that which they can. They knew it was pointless to fret about things they can't control and instead found ways to deal with those things, accept them, and move on.
My Dad knows that these people don't want someone trying to lecture them so he mainly just listens and reacts. Without knowing it, he has managed to spread a little stoic philosophy in one of the last places one would expect to find it, and the results seem quite positive.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Scammers
The things some people will try. It's unfortunate that scams work on some poor people, but one telephone scammer made the mistake of calling my brother, who relishes confrontation. I'll try to recount, as best I can remember, how my brother described the call to me...
*ring*
Brother: (answers) Hello.
Dude: (in very thick Indian accent) Hello, this is Joseph Smith with the United Bank of America (or whatever bank my brother uses - I forget).
Brother: Smith?? Your last name is Smith? I doubt that.
Dude: Yes, I know, it is a common name but it is indeed my name, Sir. It seems we are having questions about your account and I need you to give me your account number so I can verify it is you before we proceed.
Brother: I'm not giving you my account number.
Dude: But you must tell me your account number so we may verify it is you.
Brother: I don't even have a way of knowing if you are really the bank.
Dude: Ok, here is what we can do.
Brother: Ok. (waits)
Dude: Get out your checkbook.
Brother: Ok. (gets out the checkbook)
Dude: The first part of your account number is (gives the first few numbers, and then a few more very quickly and difficult to hear). Now, you tell me the rest.
Brother: That's the part that just identifies the bank - anyone could get that number. I don't think this is the bank, and by the way, I can hear the office sounds in the background have looped! You're not even really in an office!
Dude: Umm, yes, Sir. There are... people... all around me.
Brother: Then let me talk to them. I want to talk to your manager!
Dude: Umm... hold on one moment.
(Some time passes. A person with a thick Indian accent, trying to make it sound more English and deeper comes on the phone)
Dude: Yes, this is Michael Jacobson, the manager.
Brother: This isn't Michael Jacobson - this is Joseph Smith! And you're not even Joseph Smith!!
(The dude hangs up)
*ring*
Brother: (answers) Hello.
Dude: (in very thick Indian accent) Hello, this is Joseph Smith with the United Bank of America (or whatever bank my brother uses - I forget).
Brother: Smith?? Your last name is Smith? I doubt that.
Dude: Yes, I know, it is a common name but it is indeed my name, Sir. It seems we are having questions about your account and I need you to give me your account number so I can verify it is you before we proceed.
Brother: I'm not giving you my account number.
Dude: But you must tell me your account number so we may verify it is you.
Brother: I don't even have a way of knowing if you are really the bank.
Dude: Ok, here is what we can do.
Brother: Ok. (waits)
Dude: Get out your checkbook.
Brother: Ok. (gets out the checkbook)
Dude: The first part of your account number is (gives the first few numbers, and then a few more very quickly and difficult to hear). Now, you tell me the rest.
Brother: That's the part that just identifies the bank - anyone could get that number. I don't think this is the bank, and by the way, I can hear the office sounds in the background have looped! You're not even really in an office!
Dude: Umm, yes, Sir. There are... people... all around me.
Brother: Then let me talk to them. I want to talk to your manager!
Dude: Umm... hold on one moment.
(Some time passes. A person with a thick Indian accent, trying to make it sound more English and deeper comes on the phone)
Dude: Yes, this is Michael Jacobson, the manager.
Brother: This isn't Michael Jacobson - this is Joseph Smith! And you're not even Joseph Smith!!
(The dude hangs up)
Monday, December 20, 2004
Merry Consumas
I only recently discovered when my wife informed me, that Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reigndeer was an invention of Montgomery Wards as a promotion back in 1939. It's amazing to me that something so commercial could become an ingrained part of our culture, especially in such a short period of time. This really ties into two thoughts, one of which concerns the ability of corporations to shape culture (which I'll save for a future post) and the other I'll mention now since it's more relative to the holiday season...
This only underscores how commercial Christmas has become. And, really, all of the winter Holyoke are being brought along with it (Hanukkah, Quanza, winter solstice, etc.). Many people seem to be feeling this of late. One Christian group in Australia has turned to calling what most celebrate during this time of the year as "Consumas" and I'm inclined to agree with the label.
But then we are all torn by two influences to the opposite. One, we don't want to seem like grinches and not get others gifts, and two we like to get gifts.
What I would prefer to see is a holiday where people give one gift to those close to them, and that gift be something that they created themselves - something they couldn't simply buy. Unfortunately I didn't plan far enough in advance this year, but maybe I'll try that next year (which brings up another issue about our busy lifestyles and how that encourages simple purchases over gift-making).
In addition, I would think it better to emphasize to children the giving rather than the getting in children. Instead of asking a child, "what do you want for Christmas?", how about asking them, "What are you going to give others for Christmas?" Seems to me that children should be taught to create something special for others, and not to expect more than they give. Maybe even having them donate some of their older toys to more needy children would be a good lesson. I've heard of parents that do things like this and it seems a great idea.
But then there's another thing holding us back from these more noble thoughts about the season, and that's the fact that many of us enjoyed the tradition of Consumas as kids. It seems somehow wrong, or at least hypocritical, to say that about kids today when we remember being surrounded by consumer goods on our Christmases.
So then we remain torn between wanting a more genuine holiday and the greed, tradition, and guilt of the consumer rat wheel. There's another thing working against us too, and that is the many companies that want us on that wheel. They've got millions, if not billions, to spend on public marketing campaigns, which have tremendous influence to establish what the "normal" perspective on things is. But that's an issue for another post!
In the meantime, here's wishing everyone a happy Consumas, and hopefully a little something more :)
Rudolf origin: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/Christmas/rudolph.asp
Consumas: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/13953.htm
This only underscores how commercial Christmas has become. And, really, all of the winter Holyoke are being brought along with it (Hanukkah, Quanza, winter solstice, etc.). Many people seem to be feeling this of late. One Christian group in Australia has turned to calling what most celebrate during this time of the year as "Consumas" and I'm inclined to agree with the label.
But then we are all torn by two influences to the opposite. One, we don't want to seem like grinches and not get others gifts, and two we like to get gifts.
What I would prefer to see is a holiday where people give one gift to those close to them, and that gift be something that they created themselves - something they couldn't simply buy. Unfortunately I didn't plan far enough in advance this year, but maybe I'll try that next year (which brings up another issue about our busy lifestyles and how that encourages simple purchases over gift-making).
In addition, I would think it better to emphasize to children the giving rather than the getting in children. Instead of asking a child, "what do you want for Christmas?", how about asking them, "What are you going to give others for Christmas?" Seems to me that children should be taught to create something special for others, and not to expect more than they give. Maybe even having them donate some of their older toys to more needy children would be a good lesson. I've heard of parents that do things like this and it seems a great idea.
But then there's another thing holding us back from these more noble thoughts about the season, and that's the fact that many of us enjoyed the tradition of Consumas as kids. It seems somehow wrong, or at least hypocritical, to say that about kids today when we remember being surrounded by consumer goods on our Christmases.
So then we remain torn between wanting a more genuine holiday and the greed, tradition, and guilt of the consumer rat wheel. There's another thing working against us too, and that is the many companies that want us on that wheel. They've got millions, if not billions, to spend on public marketing campaigns, which have tremendous influence to establish what the "normal" perspective on things is. But that's an issue for another post!
In the meantime, here's wishing everyone a happy Consumas, and hopefully a little something more :)
Rudolf origin: http://www.snopes.com/holidays/Christmas/rudolph.asp
Consumas: http://jmm.aaa.net.au/articles/13953.htm
Friday, December 10, 2004
Poor Kitty
My wife just showed me her new textbook for her next class in Quantum Mechanics. She said, "Look, it's got a kitty on it!" and it had a cartoon drawing of a cat on the cover. She turned it over on the other side and said, "And on this side he's sleeping."
I asked what a cat has to do with Quantum Mechanics, and immediately after asking I remembered Schrödinger's thought experiment. This is a famous thought experiment concerning quantum mechanics in which a cat could simultaneously be considered both dead and alive (it's a long story). Anyway, realizing the connection to the experiment, I pointed out that the cat on the back must be dead and not sleeping.
Never tell your wife a picture of an immobile cat is dead and not sleeping.
I asked what a cat has to do with Quantum Mechanics, and immediately after asking I remembered Schrödinger's thought experiment. This is a famous thought experiment concerning quantum mechanics in which a cat could simultaneously be considered both dead and alive (it's a long story). Anyway, realizing the connection to the experiment, I pointed out that the cat on the back must be dead and not sleeping.
Never tell your wife a picture of an immobile cat is dead and not sleeping.
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
Virtual Virtue: Your Online Self
The internet is one place where you can find someone willing to say just about anything. In a way, that has lead to a flood of some of the most frank information one could ever get (which can be a good thing). But log on to just about any forum or chat room that isn't strictly moderated and you'll find some of the worst vitriol out there - generally far worse than anything you'd see exchanged between people face to face.
No harm no foul right? After all, it's much easier for people to be direct and up front when they don't have a real identity and, perhaps more importantly, when the other person can't punch you in the face!
I have been posting on this forum or that for several years now, and after a time I noticed myself behaving this way. Actually, it was other people's reaction to me that I noticed. I would post something, fairly straightforward and not meaning to be overtly hostile. But then I'd be taken aback by the response: as if I were just this incredible jerk. "Strange" I thought. No one has ever thought of me as a bad person in my real life, and I generally get along with people very well. Then I thought that maybe this jerk on the forum isn't thought of as a jerk by his friends and family either. What's going on?
So I started to really think about what I was saying, and how I was saying it when I would post online. I found that I had indeed become something I wasn't in real life, and I didn't like that person much. After a nasty exchange with another person I would think, "Well, no big deal. I don't even know that person and will never have to interact with them again." But after finding myself dwelling on it repeatedly for an entire evening I had to start wondering if maybe it was a big deal.
Whenever we respond to something we disagree with online, it is so easy to snap back with an overt harshness that we would never use in real life. It's also easy to forget that there's another person on the other end of that computer. As moral agents, it is our responsibility to spread good in the world, and that includes through the internet. Furthermore, what good is accomplished by angering someone you disagree with? Will this make them listen to your point?
So I began to ask myself, "What if I decided to be more civil and considerate in my virtual life?" What if I treated others like I would a friend or family online? What if in debates I tried to be as sensitive as possible to the concerns and ego of the other poster/chatter? What if I took special care that I didn't hurt feelings or make people feel stupid in the wording of my responses?
I was thrilled with the results. It took a surprisingly short time to begin to reach a real understanding with others online, and for them to begin listening to me because they trusted me to be fair and reasonable. Posters that started off seeming like jerks changed their tune and became reasonable people. The debates themselves took on a whole new life and real communication was achieved - even where we didn't end up convincing one another. And best of all, I didn't walk away from the computer full of stress and trying to convince myself that I didn't care. Instead I walked away with a feeling of contentment.
That's when I decided that from then on, I was going to try and behave in such a way online, that I would feel completely comfortable meeting anyone I interacted with in real life. No longer would I make easy jabs from behind a digital mask. I still have to work at it sometimes because falling back into that knee jerk reaction to people is awfully easy. But the benefits of good online compassion show yet again how virtue is its own reward, even in a world with no physical retribution or consequences.
If you find your avatar surrounded by a bunch of virtual jerks, try leading by example. If you try it, I think you may find your virtual life much more fulfilling.
No harm no foul right? After all, it's much easier for people to be direct and up front when they don't have a real identity and, perhaps more importantly, when the other person can't punch you in the face!
I have been posting on this forum or that for several years now, and after a time I noticed myself behaving this way. Actually, it was other people's reaction to me that I noticed. I would post something, fairly straightforward and not meaning to be overtly hostile. But then I'd be taken aback by the response: as if I were just this incredible jerk. "Strange" I thought. No one has ever thought of me as a bad person in my real life, and I generally get along with people very well. Then I thought that maybe this jerk on the forum isn't thought of as a jerk by his friends and family either. What's going on?
So I started to really think about what I was saying, and how I was saying it when I would post online. I found that I had indeed become something I wasn't in real life, and I didn't like that person much. After a nasty exchange with another person I would think, "Well, no big deal. I don't even know that person and will never have to interact with them again." But after finding myself dwelling on it repeatedly for an entire evening I had to start wondering if maybe it was a big deal.
Whenever we respond to something we disagree with online, it is so easy to snap back with an overt harshness that we would never use in real life. It's also easy to forget that there's another person on the other end of that computer. As moral agents, it is our responsibility to spread good in the world, and that includes through the internet. Furthermore, what good is accomplished by angering someone you disagree with? Will this make them listen to your point?
So I began to ask myself, "What if I decided to be more civil and considerate in my virtual life?" What if I treated others like I would a friend or family online? What if in debates I tried to be as sensitive as possible to the concerns and ego of the other poster/chatter? What if I took special care that I didn't hurt feelings or make people feel stupid in the wording of my responses?
I was thrilled with the results. It took a surprisingly short time to begin to reach a real understanding with others online, and for them to begin listening to me because they trusted me to be fair and reasonable. Posters that started off seeming like jerks changed their tune and became reasonable people. The debates themselves took on a whole new life and real communication was achieved - even where we didn't end up convincing one another. And best of all, I didn't walk away from the computer full of stress and trying to convince myself that I didn't care. Instead I walked away with a feeling of contentment.
That's when I decided that from then on, I was going to try and behave in such a way online, that I would feel completely comfortable meeting anyone I interacted with in real life. No longer would I make easy jabs from behind a digital mask. I still have to work at it sometimes because falling back into that knee jerk reaction to people is awfully easy. But the benefits of good online compassion show yet again how virtue is its own reward, even in a world with no physical retribution or consequences.
If you find your avatar surrounded by a bunch of virtual jerks, try leading by example. If you try it, I think you may find your virtual life much more fulfilling.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Unwarranted Compassion
Yesterday I stopped to get some gas and went inside the shop to get a newspaper. The lady behind the counter seemed flustered, rung me up, and then went on about doing something else.
Normally, I would have left thinking, "No 'have a nice day', no 'thank you', nothing. I'm not here for her, she's here for me! But that's the state of service these days - bad!" and I would have been right. I'm a big advocate of consumers demanding good service for their money.
But, for some reason, I didn't think that this time. Instead, I wondered if maybe there had recently been some tragedy in her life, or if she was stuck in a job she hated, or if she was just having a bad day. Of course, none of that would be an excuse to not do a good job and treat the customers nicely.
But, as I left the shop, I turned to her with a smile and said, "Have a nice day" - and not the sarcastic "have a nice day" that you might say if you were trying to remind the clerk that she should have said it.
She looked up with a smile (a real smile, not the "it's my job to smile" kind), somewhat surprised, and just seemed just a little shy about it. Maybe that brightened her mood, I don't know. But for a moment she was happy and I left the shop feeling good instead of angry.
That's the nature of mercy. It's never deserved, but it's often necessary. Since none of us deserve compassion all the time, and since the lack of compassion breeds bitterness, then we can't simply operate by the standard that compassion will always be handed out only when it is deserved. This would lead to a downward spiral where, eventually, there'd be no compassion left - that's simple math. And the best part is, the giver of compassion is often benefited for having shown it - even, in some cases, when it's not deserved.
Normally, I would have left thinking, "No 'have a nice day', no 'thank you', nothing. I'm not here for her, she's here for me! But that's the state of service these days - bad!" and I would have been right. I'm a big advocate of consumers demanding good service for their money.
But, for some reason, I didn't think that this time. Instead, I wondered if maybe there had recently been some tragedy in her life, or if she was stuck in a job she hated, or if she was just having a bad day. Of course, none of that would be an excuse to not do a good job and treat the customers nicely.
But, as I left the shop, I turned to her with a smile and said, "Have a nice day" - and not the sarcastic "have a nice day" that you might say if you were trying to remind the clerk that she should have said it.
She looked up with a smile (a real smile, not the "it's my job to smile" kind), somewhat surprised, and just seemed just a little shy about it. Maybe that brightened her mood, I don't know. But for a moment she was happy and I left the shop feeling good instead of angry.
That's the nature of mercy. It's never deserved, but it's often necessary. Since none of us deserve compassion all the time, and since the lack of compassion breeds bitterness, then we can't simply operate by the standard that compassion will always be handed out only when it is deserved. This would lead to a downward spiral where, eventually, there'd be no compassion left - that's simple math. And the best part is, the giver of compassion is often benefited for having shown it - even, in some cases, when it's not deserved.
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